that Voice

I have been doing a lot to take care of myself.  But I am afraid that I am always going to have the voice in my head that isn't that nice to myself ... no matter how much work I have done to quiet that voice.

This week I let that voice get to me, when someone else said it out loud.   Granted, he said many things that were so much nicer than what the voice says to me ... but I hung on the negative.  If he had said that about anyone else, I would have discounted him as vain, cruel and unrealistic.  But because he said it about me, I let it eat at me. 

I had decided not to respond to the email, he emailed within a few hours to apologize for his 'brute behavior' (his words).   I wish I could say that I stopped putting myself in the position that allowed him to validate that voice, but it took a couple more email exchanges.

It was only in my last email that I pointed out to him, that he wasn't what he was asking for, and that he should stop being so judgmental.     The good news about that email, that he finally realized what I had realized from the beginning (I knew before we met for dinner, I went because I wanted the academic stimulation) that we were not matches for each other. 

I wish I could stop that voice.  I know it is not honest ... I have gotten a lot of proof that everything that voice says is wrong.  I wish I didn't let the 'brutes' get to me ... logically, I know they are not worth my time or thoughts.